Leave me alone I'm lonely.

I understand that most ppl have that "thing" called "a life". It's perfectly ok and I wouldn't want them not to have it. I also understand that when you have a partner ( bf or gf or what ever ) you want to spend as much time as you possibly can with them.

What I don't understand is why that means that you can't even have the tiniest contact with your former friends. It really doesn't take that many minutes to send a short text to say hi and ask how life is going. But apparently I'm very wrong in that sense.

And I am oh so very tired now of ppl just going awol like this. I am a very social creature, even tho I'm all too unsure just how to act in social groups. I need my friends to stay sane and to at least try to have some sort of life going on around me.

And yes I know I'm bad at taking contact with ppl. But they all knew that and if it's a problem then TELL ME ffs. And I'll try to change. But really, right now I can't handle it. I am feeling so FUCKING lonely. Go play with your awesome lives and fuck of.

Let me be.

Peachier.

Feeling a bit peachier today. I'm very pleased with my room and new bed, it really feels like a bedroom now. I had some troubles sleeping last nigh, but that was because of my allergies. The bed was awesome. And outside it's getting more and more green by the day. I'm very happy that we're finally moving into springtime.

Can you notice that I'm trying to stay positive ? I'm still quite worried tho, about my life and the lack of direction for it. I keep trying to reminding my self that at least I'm lucky to have the kind of support that I have. Meaning I really don't have to worry or stress this much. I know I'll find my direction eventually. Fingers crossed.

For the short term thinking tho, it's time to start planning about seeds and plants. I know I'm nuts. I just like nature and plants. Hum. Maybe there's a job in there somewhere ?

Spring cleaning...

Both in my room and in the blog. Or something like it. Decided to bring back some squares I removed a while ago and change the header a little. Nothing big, nothing fancy, no one cares. So...

What else is on ? Not much really. Still thinking about my adventure in the twilight zone and the future. My one track minded head and a bunch of other random and not so random thoughts. And finally... I've got a real bed.

We've been looking online to see if anyone was selling an older one cheep. But no luck, today both me and my mom got tired of waiting and looking and went to the store and bought a new one.

So for the last 3 hours we've been moving a bunch of books, pillows, 2 couches and 1 bed. I had to use one of those masks again cuz the dust and I don't get along very well. But it's all good.

Now Le Dungeon looks like a real room and not a storage facility.

Peach at work.

Right... so I'm home, again. And life is still as it is when I left it. Other ppl must think I'm so god damn slow honestly. Takes ages before I get any sort of change going. But there is a lot of thinking going on still up in that dream filled head of mine.

I guess, being in a rush to get anywhere isn't really a good idea anyway. Ofc I want a job, but my mental health is still not fully functional. And maybe it's a good idea to keep on with the exercises and hobbies for a little while longer. Feel a bit better.

I'm keeping my eyes on the educations still, and the unemployment agency ofc. But I refuse to rush it anymore. Tho ppl might disagree and say that I never tried rushing at all. But what do they know. Have they tried living in my brain ? Nop.

So fack it. I think I'll go watch a movie now.

Sigh...

So, I'm slowly falling back down to reality again. It's been one hell of a trip I'd say. Who needs drugs when you've got sugar.

I've been contemplating life and the meaning of it a few days now. I think I'm sorta pleased with being me and by my self for the moment. I could... can.. do anything I want now. Travel, do stupid things, do awesome things. Change my mind and change it again cuz it doesn't have to be permanent. The problem is just finding out what I want to do right now. I worry that I'm taking up too much time figuring things out, and not getting anywhere. And also I'm well aware that I'm keeping someone waiting. Can't help feeling like a big bitch for that.

But beside all that I'm actually feeling pretty ok for the moment. I hope the happiness stays a while. I've been feeling better lately than what I've felt for a long time now.

Message from the bottle.

I'm sorta busy a few days now, so I can't blog much. I'm visiting the twilight zone. Where strange things happen and you never know what will come up and bite you next. I like it. But it's also slightly unreal. I'm not complaining tho. Speak of the devil and he's in your doorway btw. Yum yum. We'll see how hard it will hit me when I get back home, I hope not too much. But anyways I'll be back in reality in a few days, no worries. 

Cya then. ^^