I've got visitors for the winter. Two flowers belonging to my mom has moved in with me in Le Dungeon. They've also been standing in the greenhouse during the summer, but in a bad place of it. So they haven't been given as much attention as they would like to. Poor little pretties.
So now when it was time to move them inside, I asked if I should move them into my room. Thinking that hopefully they'll get more care and water there. She agreed. My mom is kinda forgetful about watering flowers normally. I moved them today and also gave them a haircut.
I might have to cut them down even more during the winter. That depends on how well they do in there. I can be forgetful too about watering my plants. But that usually happens when I'm feeling very bad and can't handle the depression very well. I think I've got that under control now.
Now if only I can get my bedtime hours working better I'll enjoy waking up a lot more. It would be nice to be able to just stay in bed a few min and admire the view when I wake up. But because I sleep so badly right now, I wake up too late and have to get up as soon as I'm awake. Bummer.
So, I have a lot of flowers currently living with a good friend of mine. This is one of them. I don't remember when I bought it but it's at least 1,5 years ago now. It's a sort of blooming cactus. When you buy them here in the shop they're called either spring, winter, summer or autumn cactus. So far I don't know the difference between them except that the flowers all look a bit different. I think.
Anyways. It was early spring and still cold outside when I bought mine. It was blooming in the shop. But they're a bit sensitive and the walk home in the cold chocked it and all the flowers fell of. After that it got a bit abused because of me being depressed so it didn't bloom again. That is until it moved in with my most awesome friend.
In his care it decided to send out flowers again. I visited when it had buds big enough to burst, but sadly wasn't there for the blooming. But he was very kind and sent me these pictures so I could at least see how it looked. I think they're gorgeous, ofc. I do hope I can get it to bloom like this again when I have it back in my care. I guess we'll just have to wait and see. Gah I wish I could move right now.
I found this pretty lady when I woke up today. Translated from Swedish it's an English Geranium. But I'm pretty sure they have a different name in English really. I just can't remember it right now, I'll check it up later. But I will forget it again. Anyways, it's a very pretty flower none the less.
The other day I was on my way to cut of some babies from her to make new flowers. I wanna give one to my mom because her flower died earlier this summer because of some icky white vermin that decided to visit. But, when I went down to cut of the pieces. I noticed she's got flower buds all over her self. And I just can't cut those of. So I guess I'll have to wait a while. :-)
It seems my plants are enjoying their new home and artificial sunlight. I'm gonna keep my eye on them closely for a while longer anyway. In case need to adjust the height of the lamp or anything. But so far so good.
Most of the flowers standing under it have been outside during the summer. Standing in the small greenhouse in the garden. I haven't payed them enough attention out there sadly. But it looks like they've been doing fine. But it's a lot more fun to have them back in my room. Every morning when I wake up the first thing I notice and check is my flowers.
It gives me energy and happy feelings when I take care of my flowers and watch them grow and be happy. I love it.
He got his own piece of cake to celebrate. But I don't think he liked it very much. It wasn't his "normal" cake. He seems to prefer the princess cake, with lots of cream in it. He's a sugar rat. Just like me. We didn't bother with buying him a flower tho. He'd only chew it to bits anyway. :-P
I love Fridays. I think it comes from when I was in school. The joy of having 2 whole days free from that hell hole. It was always a joy. Not to mention summer breaks and all the small holidays.
Today I did something I told my self not to do again. I just couldn't help it. I yelled and "argued" with my granny. I am so tired of her bullshit, I have been for a while. I'd love to have her committed to a mental hospital so they could straighten her out. Since nothing we say has any affect on her. She's still slowly killing herself, since 8 or 9 years ago now. But I give up now. I'm not gonna listen to another word now.
It also feels slightly hypocritical to argue with her about this. Knowing that I my self have had doubts about living and such. And I'm not fully free from those thoughts yet. But at least I know I have a problem and I know that how I see things and how they really are isn't a match. It's better than in my mind. I'm overly negative and have no confidence or self esteem. But I know about it. So I can work on it.
I guess that's the difference between me and her. I've gone one step closer to being happy again. But she still tells her self that everything is over. I just wish she wouldn't say such mean things like she has. Saying that there's nothing at all to live for. When she has 3 kids, 6 gran kids and 1 gran gran kid. She could have kept that comment for her self if she feels that life is that bad.
You do NOT tell your kids that they aren't worth living for.
I'm waiting for the weekend, but I'm not sure why. Right now I'm not a happy camper. Again. Summer is over. I'm cold and freezing. I'm too far away from all of my friends. And I'm not even close to getting a job and moving back to the "city of friends". I'm not putting in much of an effort either.
I think, in one way I want to feel better too fast. So I tell my self there are all these things I have to do. But then I'm not able to do them cuz I'm feeling bad and that makes me feel dumb for not getting anywhere. When really I should just relax and wait a while until I'm feeling better. It's hard.
And I should probably start going to therapy of some sort. I want to say "I will go...", but I'm not quite there yet. But I do agree that it could probably do me good. Until then I'm going to try a bit harder with this "positive thinking" thing and less worrying.
Haven't written here in a while now. Got no excuse, just that life got in the way. Summer is over now. At least here it is. The trees are turning yellow and it's pretty cold outside if the sun isn't there. And to be honest it looks like the sun has gone on vacation.
So what's up. I'm still living at my moms place. I still think my granny should be forcefully admitted to the psychiatric ward. And I still think that I'm no good for anyone. It is hard that things are going so slow. But really, I don't know any other way to do this. On the bright side, I'm now on the list and waiting for a surgery time to get sterilized. I'm happy about it. With the exception of the long waiting. But I'll live.
I'm missing my old town a lot more now. Partly because I really liked it and because I have ( well had at least ) some awesome friends there. But also because there's a certain someone there that I really love spending time with. I'll see him in not too long tho. Gotta go down there again soon to fiddle with my stuff at my ex's place and move it into a storage like the rest of my stuff. *sigh* Living in a box huh.
I'm feeling a bit low tonight. No special reason I think. It's probably just everything and nothing again. And also I can seem to get rid of this annoying cold that I've had for a while now. Guess I'll go turn on a movie and escape into that for the rest of the night.